You are Not Going Crazy

Our Hannah died, aged thirty two and a half weeks, sometime at the end of March 2004. She was born still on April 1st. The cause of her death is what is known as a cord accident. We miss her every day and wonder what she would have been like had she survived. We love her so much. We have learned many things the hard way since Hannah died.

I hope that my E-Book will help you a little. This article (and future ones on this website) are excerpts from my E-Book, available for free: click here 

The book was difficult to write in many ways; difficult to know what to put in and what to leave out. You may find it difficult to read. If that happens I suggest you put it away for a week or a month and come back to it when the time is right for you. My sincere hope is that you will find some comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone and that it is possible to survive and live again. It will take time, you will always feel your baby’s absence but you will enjoy the flowers again.

I want to take this time to say how sad I am that your baby has died. I know that right now the pain is unbearable. You probably still wake up some mornings and have to remember all over again that your baby is gone and then face the fact all over again that she is never coming back.


Chapter One: You are not going mad

In the first weeks and months parents often feel as though they are going mad. Feelings hit like a tsunami: waves and waves of them until we feel that we will surely drown. In between you may feel a horrifying numbness, as though all of life is happening on the other side of a glass bubble. Everyone I meet tells me that at some point they thought they were going mad.

You are not going mad: you are in the midst of the most profound grief a human being can face: the death of your child. When a parent buries their child the expected natural order is broken. We expect our children to bury us and not the other way around. The knowledge that we will never see our babies grow up, hear them speak, take their first steps, graduate, become parents -- is heart rending.

There is no shortcut through this grief. Each one of us must walk the road alone although there are many who walk alongside us. In time you will learn to ride the roller coaster of your grief. But in the beginning everyone is shocked by the depth of the pain... Read more

NOTE FROM MARTINE: Sometimes the E-Book gets 'filtered' out of your inbox. So if you do not see it within 15 minutes in your inbox, simply check your 'Junk' box.

Comments (1)

Said this on 11-03-11 At 07:38 pm

I was moved to tears to find this article on your website this morning. Thank you so much for all the wonderful work you do and for helping me to get the word out about the free eBook. I can remember well being up at 2am in the weeks and months after Hannah died constantly searching the Internet for something to help me cope. My sincere hope is that parents who are grieving will find some comfort in the book in those agonising hours.

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