People May Not Understand

You will be horrified at some of the things people say to you. You may be told “You can try again”, “It was never meant to be”, “At least you have another living child”, “It was probably for the best your baby probably would have been disabled”, “At least you didn’t get a chance to get to know your baby…that would have been worse”, “It was God’s will”, “Now you have an angel in Heaven”, “Your soul made a sacred contract with your baby’s soul to do this”, “You have been grieving for 3/6/12 months, now it’s time to get on with your life” , etc.


My answer to all this is a rude, resounding “SEZ WHO?” Would these well meaning friends, family and medical professionals say to a newly bereaved widow or widower: “You can try again, you can go get another husband or wife.”?  No they wouldn’t! Maybe I have fertility problems, maybe there will never be another one. Even if I had ten children, I would still grieve the loss of this one beautiful baby. Maybe I would rather spend the rest of my life caring for my disabled baby than not have her here at all.


People who have never experienced the death of a baby tell me that they don’t know what to say. My answer to that is say nothing, just hug me and tell me how sad you are for me.


After many years of living with Hannah’s death, I now understand that people are trying to help. But I have been deeply wounded by the words of others and felt unable to respond at the time. You may feel like this too. When this happens, protect yourself. Give yourself permission to stay away from people who say hurtful things to you. One phrase I found useful is “I don’t see Hannah’s death in that way.”

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NOTE FROM MARTINE: When requesting your copy of the free E-book, sometimes it gets 'filtered' out of an inbox. So if you do not see it within 15 minutes in your inbox, simply check your 'Junk' box.

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